


The World Passes by in a Haze

by aintweproudriff



Series: Jimmy Campbell In-Canon Fics [1]
Category: Bandstand - Oberacker/Oberacker & Taylor
Genre: Canon Compliant, Coming Out, F/M, Jimmy deserves better, M/M, almost suicidal thoughts, canon typical mental illness, feelings of worthlessness, it is canon that jimmy is gay fuck you american theatre wing, this is sad im sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-29
Updated: 2018-06-29
Packaged: 2019-05-30 12:17:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 724
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15096539
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aintweproudriff/pseuds/aintweproudriff
Summary: "It might have been the itch he’d been feeling to just have another person on Earth who knew... Maybe he needed to put himself back in danger to be able to feel something again."A snapshot of Jimmy's thoughts the night that he comes out to Donny.





	The World Passes by in a Haze

**Author's Note:**

> I saw Bandstand last night and loved it, but I noticed that they took out the scene in which Jimmy comes out to Donny. Understandably, that upset me, and so I wrote this at midnight to deal with how heartbreaking that scene was when I saw it, and how much it meant to me that it was there. 
> 
> Also you can blame @stardustandswimmingpools (vivilevone on tumblr) for putting the idea of bandstand fanfiction in my head. She (along with the people who yelled about bandstand with me last night) are probably the entire reason I'm posting this instead of newsies or check please fic today. Thanks guys.

Telling Donny the truth had been thoughtless and stupid. Even as Jimmy sat at his desk, trying to read, the thought nagged at him. He didn’t even know why he’d done it exactly.  
It might have been the itch he’d been feeling to just have another person on Earth who knew. It might have been hope (hope is always such a vain thing, twisting emotions into ego-appeasing dreams) that Donny returned the childlike crush that Jimmy had developed. It was most likely that it was out of a want to be reckless; Jimmy missed the rush of flying and seeing the world below him, or the high of being on the open sea and watching waves crash around him. He missed being out of control. Maybe he needed to put himself back in danger to be able to feel something again.  
Maybe he wanted to test how far his almost-law-degree would get him if the conversation went sour. Not far, he knew. Knowing the law and having a degree to prove that he understood it was very different from being able to change the law. Jimmy ran a hand through his hair and closed the book. That case wasn’t being read right now anyway. He stood up and looked at the clock, which read almost 2 AM. 

When, after doing everything he could to calm his body down and ease the buzzing he felt, he climbed into bed, his mind was still whirring with the though that the conversation with Donny had been instinctive and impulsive. Donny had been immediately understanding - a fact that led Jimmy to want to learn more about his past. He had been friends with Michael, but Rubber had never been one to be ‘just friends’. That conversation, though, could wait. Maybe indefinitely, if Donny never decided to mention it himself. The ramifications of Jimmy’s own honesty on the subject of his ‘friend’ were more pressing. 

Donny had seemed relaxed about the revelation, but what if he told the other guys? Davy would take it in stride, with maybe a crude joke for comic relief. It certainly wouldn’t be the strangest thing he’d seen, and he wasn't one to judge how other people lived or coped. Johnny might not know how to react, but at least he would be kind about it. Although Jimmy would have to make sure Johnny didn’t accidentally leak the secret to someone who wouldn’t be kind. Wayne likely wouldn’t like it (maybe he’d even call it unsanitary), but he would come around eventually. He seemed like the type who always came around eventually. If Julia didn’t already know just by his mannerisms, then she would soon; she was smarter than the lot of the boys. Kinder, too, and softer. Nick was the landmine. He took loyalty very seriously, that was obvious, but not so much that he would be above giving away a brother for personal gain. If Jimmy was given away, consequences could be dire. 

Phantom fingers traced his shoulder blades. Consequences be damned. Being ostracized, thrown in prison, killed. All of it be damned. What did it matter? If he was alone, if he left his - his lover and best friend to die, what did it matter if he was on a stage raised six feet above ground or a grave dug six feet below?

“The degree,” whispered a voice in his head. “Change something. For other people in your shoes.”

He closed his eyes resolutely. It was all he could do. The melody of their song played in his head. “Once upon a time, I would wake beside a man who would make me feel…”

He smiled in spite of himself. Julia had lost her soldier, and found a new one. It was obvious that Donny was gone on her, and she didn’t like it, but she clearly felt the same. Jimmy couldn’t even bring himself to be jealous of her for the way Donny felt about her. They both deserved the happiness they might get. He just wondered if maybe he might get the same resolution to his story that she had gotten for hers. 

Jimmy let himself drift off to the feelings of phantom fingers. It was better than feeling water lapping at his ears and face, threatening to take him under, and drowning out the silence from his surroundings.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks so much for reading!!! I'm actually pretty proud of this piece, so if you want to feed my ego, you should leave me a kudo or a comment and it'll make my day!


End file.
